Phantom

[[File:1297902995_8ffd.jpg|frame|Phantom, wearing headpones and speaking into a microphone.

Because WTF do you expect, he's on the goddam radio.]]The "Phantom" is the stage name of Mark Lowe, a Sacramento radio personality. He is currently featured on The Don Geronimo Show and hosts the Phantom News Hour. He is old as balls.

History
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light day, and the darkness He called night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.

Then God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” God made the expanse, and separated the waters which were below the expanse from the waters which were above the expanse; and it was so.God called the expanse heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.

Then God said, “Let the waters below the heavens be gathered into one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so. God called the dry land earth, and the gathering of the waters He called seas; and God saw that it was good. Then God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees on the earth bearing fruit after their kind with seed in them”; and it was so. The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed after their kind, and trees bearing fruit with seed in them, after their kind; and God saw that it was good. There was evening and there was morning, a third day.

Then God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night, and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years; and let them be for lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth”; and it was so. God made the two great lights, the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night; He made the stars also. God placed them in the expanse of the heavens to give light on the earth, and to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness; and God saw that it was good. There was evening and there was morning, a fourth day.

Then God said, “Let the waters teem with swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth in the open expanse of the heavens.” God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, with which the waters swarmed after their kind, and every winged bird after its kind; and God saw that it was good. God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.” There was evening and there was morning, a fifth day.

Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures after their kind: cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth after their kind”; and it was so. God made the beasts of the earth after their kind, and the cattle after their kind, and everything that creeps on the ground after its kind; and God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let Us make Phantom in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let himrule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” God created Phantom in His own image, in the image of God He created Phantom; male and old He created them. God blessed them; and God said to him, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so. God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

Radio Career
Phantom was formerly featured on KHTK's morning show "The Rise Guys" with his half-brother Kevin "Whitey" Gleason. They left him behind when they decided to try their luck in San Francisco. They were kind enough to leave him in a bassinet on Don Geronimo's doorstep with a note which read "Please look after this Phantom. Thank you."

Our Phantom has entertained us on the Sacramento airwaves since 1986 (?), when he was part of the Boomer & the Boys show with Kevin Boom-Boom Anderson, Whitey Gleason and Justin Case as the then 93 Rock morning show. When 93 Rock became 98 Rock, and Kevin Anderson left, Whitey, Phantom & Justin became The Rise Guys and filled us, the great unwashed, with joyful morning radio for quite a few years.

Then the darkness came: they were fired from 98 Rock to make way for Rob, Arnie & Dawn, and we were sad. But happiness returned, and the Rise Guys were found on 1140 KHTK, and all was right with the world!

And now, of course, we the faithful Phantom fans now enjoy him with our most honored and glorious DeeJay, Don Geronimo, mornings on 1140 AM-KHTK-The-Fan-CBS-Sports-Radio (or whatever the hell they're calling themselves this week), and all the heavens above smile every morning from 5:30 - 10:00 AM weekdays!

Voices
Phantom's major contribution to modern talk radio is the use of character voices. Oh that's fucking right, he's so kick-you-in-the-crotch old that he FUCKING INVENTED IMPERSONATIONS.

His repertoire of voices includes:
 * Tom Couzens' Mother
 * ALF
 * Paul Lynde - (here, you faggots you're welcome)
 * Boo-Boo Bear

Personal Life
He graduated from Sacramento State University in 1876 with degrees in archaeology, paleobiology, and mineral/metalurgical engineering. He is a member of their inaugural graduating class and is their oldest living alumnus. He is President Emeritus of the Sac State Alumni Association.

He is currently married to Mrs. Phantom II, Jennifer (b. 15 May 1988), a trophy wife who recently celebrated her 24th birthday. She enjoys attending underground raves and gardening in her bikini while her stepsons' friends (see below) are over. She attended Sacramento State University (major undeclared), but dropped out to marry Phantom. She was a member of Delta Gamma Sigma sorority.

He has two sons, Kyle (age 17) and Zach (age 13?) from his first marriage to the original Mrs. Phantom. They divorced in July 2011, when Mrs. Phantom left him for an even older radio sidekick in a San Francisco radio station.

He is a baptized Roman Catholic. It is uncertain if his aforementioned divorce caused him to be excommunicated by his bishop.

Phantom-licious Links to the World Wide Webosphere

 * Phantom's Twitter feed
 * America Online
 * Sacramento State Alumni Association webpage
 * Urban Dictionary's definition of The Phantom